just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
