look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
