How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
