spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
