My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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