WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
