that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
