Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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