You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
