Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
