i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
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