either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
