I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
