On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
grandma shit on top of the toilet
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
