Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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