never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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