did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
