i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
