he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
