having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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