yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
