I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
