I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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