the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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