found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
