she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
