i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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