just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
