Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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