He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize