she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
