They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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