I think I just saw someone hide a body.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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