i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
im holly from the hills drunk
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
