I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
