I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
