i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
