shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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