so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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