I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
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The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
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Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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