hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
