just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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