She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
