If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
