Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
