bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
