Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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