I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
