I want to make a zoo with you.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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