I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
