i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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