i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
