Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
