Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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