Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
