just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
This house was built for laser tag.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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