Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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