dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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