Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
