the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
