At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Vodka?
Forever.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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