you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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