he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
