I just pynch a tree in the face
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
