I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
