I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
