Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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