I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize