Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Im just a social blackout drinker.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
