My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize
