you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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