You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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