I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
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Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
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Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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