Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
