I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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