Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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