I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I've blown a few things in my day
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
