I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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