She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
