i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
