she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
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laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.