i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Text me some of your sweat
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
