I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
