i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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