In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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