I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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