well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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